


Another Kind of Bondage

by Melodious329



Category: Kane (Band)
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-19
Updated: 2011-04-19
Packaged: 2017-10-18 08:51:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melodious329/pseuds/Melodious329
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris has had a string of bad relationships, but a drunken talk sets Chris and Steve on a new path.  Will it lead to happiness or the destruction of their last refuge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Kind of Bondage

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I neither own nor know the real persons after whom these characters are created

Steve opens his back door trying to get a little air. There are as many people making just as much noise outside as inside, though. He’s having another house party, a party just like the one he first invited Christian to. But as Steve takes a seat on his back steps, he can see that Christian isn’t mellow as he was that night. No, tonight, Christian’s hyper, that keyed-up nervous energy he gives off like sweat when he’s excited or nervous, or upset.

Leaning his head back, long blonde hair brushing his bare neck above his black tank top, Steve takes a sip of his still cold beer and then raises it up to Christian who has spotted him in the crowd and is drunkenly weaving his way over. Steve has to admit that it worries him a little that Christian seems to drink more when he’s upset than when he’s happy.

He smiles up at Christian, though, lets Christian lean on his shoulder as Christian squeezes down next to him on the narrow staircase. Steve laughs a little, they’ve been squeezed into so many tiny spaces over the years with the band that they think they need to sit on one chair no matter how many empty ones there might be.

Christian doesn’t ask what’s so funny, just lets him laugh, lets the sound of Steve’s happiness roll over him, reminding him why he loves these guys so much. Christian just smiles and takes another gulp of his own beer.

“Been a long time. We should have more parties,” Christian says, not slurring his words. Steve would swear Christian sits at home drinking and practicing not slurring his words. Steve also doesn’t call him on the ‘we’ part even though it’s Steve’s house.

But Christian says it sadly, more than the usual nostalgia, he needed to see their friends again, needed to be around them right now. Steve debates for a second whether he wants to ask about it or whether he just wants to let Christian distract himself.

Ok, so of course he’s going to ask about it even though he knows Christian likes the second option better. “How’s Hollywood these days?” Steve asks.

“Same old,” Christian replies vaguely before he’s tipping his beer back, finishing the rest of it. That means that he doesn’t have anymore though, nothing to distract himself with. He debates getting up to get another, but decides against moving.

“Really?” Steve asks disbelieving. “What about that guy, Brian?”

“We broke up,” Christian says simply, picking at the bottle’s label and hoping Steve will drop it for once.

“Why? I thought…”

“It’s Hollywood, man,” Christian interrupts Steve’s interrogation, his voice slurring now in agitation.

“Well, I’m not in Hollywood so why don’t you explain it to me,” Steve snaps. He takes pity on his friend when Christian turns his face away though, and hands over his own mostly full beer in apology.

Christian takes the beer feeling like a spoiled little kid being given a treat. It doesn’t stop him from taking a gulp of the beer though, nor does it stop him from talking.

“Everyone’s just so…I feel so stupid sometimes. There are all these gorgeous girls who are so damn eager to get into my pants, but then they’re sucking off some other guy in the bathroom the next night.” Christian takes another drink. He can’t explain it, not when he doesn’t understand himself how rejected he had felt by girls who only had one brain cell apiece.

“And then Brian,” Christian continues, looking down. “And Kenneth, these hotshot producers who tell me that I’m…you know, talented or whatever. But then it’s like everything I do is wrong and nothing I do is good enough, and then they move on to the next idiot too.”

Steve nods as Christian finishes most of the beer, even though Christian’s drunkenness is apparent in the weird emphasis he’s putting on certain words. He’s noticed Christian’s affinity for older guys, guys who had probably made Christian feel special at first, important. Maybe it is just the way of Hollywood, and there’s nothing Christian can do…

“I just want a guy who knows what he wants, who tells me what he wants so I can give it to him. I’m tired of trying to please everybody, tired of competing against everybody for the attention of a guy I’m dating. I want a guy who actually takes control instead of these idiots who pretend to be all dominant and then expect me to do everything even though I don’t have a clue!”

Steve’s mouth drops open a little at Christian’s little outburst. Firstly that Christian is sharing this much information about his sex life, or the sex life he wants, but secondly, it sounds like Christian is saying he wants to be submissive, to a dominant partner.

And that sounds like a dream come true to Steve. The kind of free-lovin’ guys and girls that he’s normally interested in aren’t interested in that kinda thing, not even occasionally. Mentioning it to one girl once got him a thirty minute tirade on equality and then they broke up. She didn’t seem to want to listen to his explanation that bondage had nothing to do with disrespect and that it can be empowering to give up control.

And the thought of Christian in that position…he and Christian have never slept together. They’re friends and bandmates, and partners, and they don’t want sex to mess with that. But Steve is certainly attracted to Christian, always has been, and they’ve joked about having sex and the other person’s attributes. If they did this carefully, though, if they only were together for scenes…

Steve steals the bottle of beer back, drinking the last half inch. “Christian, have you ever thought of being a submissive? You know like in a dominance/submissive scene?”

This time it’s Christian’s jaw that’s gone lax, and really Steve realizes this isn’t a great time to bring something like this up, not when Christian’s had this much to drink.

“Like bondage?” Christian asks, saying the word like it’s some huge secret or something. Then incongruously, Christian starts to giggle. The sound always makes Steve smile, but that smile freezes on his face when Christian continues speaking.

“You know Brian sometimes…he liked to, spank me. I kinda liked it.” Christian giggles again.

Sweet Jesus, Steve thinks. This conversation needs to end now, before he pulls Christian over his lap right here.

Standing abruptly and cutting off Christian’s giggles, Steve grabs Christian’s arm, pulling the actor along with him. “We’ll talk about this later. We need more beers.”

Christian is only too willing to go along with both of those suggestions.   
***

The next morning Steve pulls himself out of bed before Christian who’s sleeping in the guest room. Maybe he got up a little early wanting to be there when Christian gets up, because maybe he’s a little excited to talk to Christian for real.

He knows that Christian might have just been upset last night. It sounds like Christian’s been through the Hollywood romance ringer. Maybe Christian won’t actually want to try because he doesn’t want to be that kinda person who’s into bondage or maybe Christian won’t want to try things with Steve for the same reasons they haven’t already had sex. But he won’t know if he doesn’t ask.

Christian comes downstairs, wearing the same jeans and tshirt he was wearing last night just without shoes, and finds Steve sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee.

“Coffee’s for drinkin’, not starin’ at,” Christian growls, his voice gone to total shit after last night. It’s an old joke between them because Jensen loves to say both he and Steve just like coffee to keep their hands warm.

And it still works, a small intimate smile curving Steve’s lips as Christian gets his own cup and dumps sugar in it. It does make his hands feel warm and tingly as he sits down at the table with it.

“Hey,” Steve starts gently, “What you said last night about Brian…”

Christian goes as red as a beet. He doesn’t normally talk to anyone about his partners, tries to be the gentleman that his momma raised him to be, and he particularly doesn’t talk about his sex life to Steve. Things could too easily get really complicated. He doesn’t need sympathy about the jackass and was fucking hoping Steve would just pretend the conversation didn’t happen like Christian was hoping to do.

But it’s out there now and Steve is looking at him with pity as if he knows exactly how embarrassed Christian is. Christian drinks some bitter coffee instead of answering.

“Have you thought at all about submission, scenes, that kinda thing?” Steve continues, running his fingers around the curve of the warm cup.

“What?” Christian blurts out. “I mean, uhhhhh…you know,” Christian obfuscates some more. Why are they still talking about sex? “I’ve thought about…you know, spanking and, stuff.”

Steve’s lips are tight, trying to keep from laughing at Christian’s embarrassed behavior, like Christian got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Christian didn’t look this embarrassed the many times he’s been caught with his hand up a girl’s skirt after a Kane concert.

“I was just thinking, I’m not an expert or anything, but it might be a good solution. You would have explicit instructions to make the dominant happy and the dominant praises good behavior and takes care of the sub. I want to give that to you,” Steve explains reasonably.

“You?!” Christian spits out. He hadn’t realized Steve was talking about the two of them, having sex.

Feeling a little rejected at Christian’s outburst, Steve tries to explain better. He knows people have all kinds of preconceived thoughts about BDSM. “Yeah, we trust each other, we respect each other. I want to see you happy and you want to see me happy.”

Christian softens then, “Well yeah…” he concedes.

“It’s not about sex, Christian,” Steve says, a little grin poking through now. “Even if it includes sex, which it doesn’t have to, it doesn’t have to change anything. Out of a scene, we’re not together, not fucking around.”

He can see Christian thinking about it now. Christian may just not have thought about this as much as Steve already has.

“We’ll just take it slow and talk before each time about the boundaries. You said you liked to be spanked, we could start there,” Steve ventures, gaining confidence as he watches Christian squirm. He loves the effect he’s having just talking, but he has to keep the smugness out of his voice. “I’d prefer if you were over my lap and I started with my bare hand. Did he ever use a paddle or hairbrush or anything?”

Christian can’t speak as he shifts in his seat, his dick hardening in his loose jeans. He can practically feel the phantom pain on his ass, but he feels like Alice, like he fell down the rabbit hole. How did breakfast turn into this conversation?!

In the end, he can’t deny that he wants to try it though, wants to know how it would feel. Christian can admit to himself that he’s thought about it, thought about letting someone else have that much control, letting himself have the freedom to just feel, the freedom from feeling competitive, from trying to be perfect. But Steve is right, there’s really no one that Christian trusts that much. Besides Steve.

“Ok,” Christian says, the word coming out on a long exhale, verbally agreeing though Steve seemed to presuppose that he would do it. But Steve smiles now, happy at the answer, acting like Christian did something when Steve’s the one who’s done all the work.

“Ok,” Steve echoes. “We should just talk about a few things first. We could use my guest room, outside of that room, nothing’s different. Right?”

Christian looks up abruptly at the question. It feels so weird to be planning sex like this, he’s usually more of a whenever, wherever the mood strikes kinda guy. But then he remembers that his way isn’t working and that’s exactly why he’s doing this.

“Yeah, right,” Christian responds, clearing his throat and trying to be serious about this.

“I need you to talk to me, Chris,” Steve says earnestly. “If you don’t feel comfortable with whatever I’m saying and if you don’t feel comfortable with anything that’s happening in the guest bedroom, I’m trusting you to tell me.”

“Ok,” Christian tries again, affected by Steve’s sincerity.

“Did you want to start with spanking, something you’re already familiar with?” Steve asks.

“Yes,” Christian responds, trying to participate more.

“Alright, are you ok being undressed?”

Christian squirms in his seat again, Steve asking intimate questions making him feel awkward and hot. “Yeah.”

“Is it ok if I touch you sexually?” Steve asks, his face barely tense as he schools his expression.

Whereas Christian’s face is going to burst into flame any minute. The idea of anyone asking permission to have sex with him seems a little ludicrous considering his generally active sex life. “Yes,” he gets out.

“Have you been spanked with anything besides a hand?” Steve asks.

“No. Brian…he was just, playing around, swatting me before he would, you know, we’d have sex,” Christian stumbles out. As if it’s not awkward talking about his sex life, add in that the thought of Steve spanking him for real has his blood boiling.

“Ok. If you’re relaxed, we could try some different things, but again, you’re going to have to tell me if it’s too much.” Steve tries to stress that trust goes both ways on this.

“Ok,” Christian says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Steve’s concern.

“And you should have a safe word,” Steve goes on. He knows Christian isn’t really into taking precautions, but Christian’s going to have to deal with it. “Especially for the beginning, you can always say no or stop but we should both get used to a safe word in case we ever want to have a scene where no doesn’t mean no.”

Thinking for a moment because he knows Steve is not going to appreciate flippancy at this moment, he answers, “Texas.”

Christian finally can’t resist shaking his head and diffusing the seriousness of this a little. “Damn, son, any minute now I’m expecting you to say something like a bad pickup line, like…”

“Like I’m going to ride you hard and put you away wet?” Steve purrs, his voice dropping into a lower register, deep and smooth.

“Except I am not your horse,” Christian growls back, refusing to be undone by the sound of Steve’s voice.

“Ok, you can be my pretty chestnut pony,” Steve says, half-laughing as he reaches out to stroke the longer front pieces of Christian’s hair.

“Call me a pony again and you’re never touching my ass,” Christian growls again with a half smile.

Steve lifts his hands up in an ‘I give up’ gesture. “Ok, got it,” he laughs as he stands up from his chair. “How ‘bout breakfast? My coffee’s gone cold.”

“Yeah,” Christian agrees distractedly. He’s blushing again, can feel the heat on his cheeks. The way that Steve immediately backtracked, like he really wanted to get his hands on Christian’s ass…it makes Christian’s heart feel light to be wanted like that.

They eat breakfast, omelets and toast, and they each take a shower. But in the afternoon when Christian is thinking about raiding Steve’s fridge and chilling on the couch, he feels Steve’s hand on his shoulder.

“Will you come with me to the guest room?” Steve asks, his voice gentle and intimate. The words are a bit formal, but Steve’s given this a lot of thought, all night and all day practically. Christian might be the sub, may want to give up his control in the scene, but Steve needs Christian to acknowledge what’s happening, to go into this with open eyes.

“Yes,” Christian says after a moment’s hesitation. He’d put it out of his thoughts all day, but the anticipation comes rushing back in immediately.

Steve’s anxious too, the feeling tickling his stomach. He keeps a hand on Christian’s shoulder as they walk up the stairs and over to the guest bedroom. It’s hard to even imagine Christian being as vulnerable as submission requires but the idea of it makes Steve feel like he’s flying, the idea of seeing Christian like that, of causing Christian to let go that much.

Steve shuts the door behind them softly but they each hear the finality of it loud and clear. Christian’s suddenly nervous, suddenly afraid he can’t follow Steve’s directions, that he’ll feel too silly doing this in front of his best friend, that he’ll fuck it up anyway and not be good enough.

He starts at the feel of Steve’s warm hands on his shoulders, looks up into clear blue eyes, but Christian has to look away, it feels entirely too intimate.

“Let me take off your clothes,” Steve’s voice isn’t a whisper, but it’s obviously meant only for Christian. It adds to the feeling Christian has of being the entire center of Steve’s attention and makes him want to squirm, to deflect.

“Don’t move,” Steve orders, feeling the tension in Christian, the indecision. Christian has learned to worry about everything, even during sex, he worries about what will please his partner and whether he’s capable of it. Steve just has to now convince Christian that all he has to do is exactly what Steve says is how to please his partner in this case.

Gripping the bottom of Christian’s large tshirt, Steve pulls it forward over Christian’s head, mussing up Christian’s shaggy hair that falls over blue eyes to brush over sharp cheekbones. Smiling, Steve brushes the hair back from Christian’s eyes, only for the bangs to immediately return. Christian returns the smile then, relaxing into Steve’s natural affection. Until Steve reaches down for Christian’s jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing them down to fall on the floor.

“Step out of them,” Steve says. It’s an order, Christian knows it is, that’s what this is about but it doesn’t sound like an order. It doesn’t sound mean or harsh, it’s not loud. Steve says it firmly, but he doesn’t raise his voice. It’s an order but it’s also a decision for Christian.

Christian steps awkwardly out of his jeans as Steve moves away and sits down in a chair. Steve has already arranged the scene, putting an armless dining table chair and a small table with several things on it in the room already.

Once Christian’s naked, he realizes Steve is sitting there like he doesn’t intend to get undressed. It’s embarrassing to be so stripped bare in front of his friend, but being exposed also has Christian’s dick fattening, rising up to practically point at Steve. His hand twitches in a want to cover himself though he’s not exactly body shy.

“It’s ok, this is supposed to be sexy,” Steve says with a smile, a little humor coming back into his voice.

“Aren’t you gonna take off some clothes?” Christian asks, trying to sound flippant and cheeky, his bravado rearing its ugly head.

As soon as the words are out of his mouth though, he regrets them, ducking his head. He’s ruined it now, he doesn’t get to speak in these types of things, he’s not allowed to question. He couldn’t just follow orders.

“You can ask questions and speak all you want,” Steve says mildly, not acknowledging Christian’s freakout. “No, I’m not getting undressed. What is your safeword?”

“Texas,” Christian says, thrown off by the change in conversation.

“Come here,” Steve continues. “Lay over my lap.”

Before Christian can get all bent out of shape feeling awkward about that one, Steve raises a hand and gently pulls Christian down by an arm, pulling Christian over his lap.

“You can grab the legs of the chair with your hands, and make sure to bend your knees,” Steve instructs, wanting Christian to be as comfortable as possible besides getting his ass spanked, but also wanting to provide Christian with specific instructions that he can follow.

Fuck, Christian thinks. He feels incredibly stupid and exposed, like he’s about to be made the butt of Steve’s joke, pun intended. But he does as Steve says, it’s easy to do that, easier than worrying about how stupid he looks with his ass in Steve’s face, his hard dick against Steve’s thigh, Steve who has literally seen the worst of him.

Steve’s hand rubs over his bare back and Christian has to admit it feels good. He likes to be touched, likes to be stroked, likes for Steve to touch him. Steve’s other hand slips down along the crack of Christian’s ass and Christian spreads his legs unconsciously, asking for a more intimate touch without his brain even making the decision.

Steve keeps up the soothing motions of his left hand, following the muscular curves of golden skin, waiting as Christian relaxes more. He concentrates on Christian, on making Christian feel good, imprinting this moment in his mind, Christian on his lap, beautiful bare back and round muscular ass exposed to Steve’s eyes, for Steve.

He doesn’t wait long enough for Christian to start to squirm again but starts off simply, slapping the middle of one asscheek with a flat palm. The sound seems loud but Steve doesn’t let it linger. He slaps again, beginning an even rhythm.

Steve can immediately hear the change in the sound of Christian’s breathing, how it becomes harsh and short. He can see the slight flush to tan skin, the slight gleam of perspiration, can feel Christian’s weight as he stops trying to hold himself off Steve.

Steve keeps up spanking Christian with his hand until Christian’s ass has turned a slight rose before taking a break. As soon as he pauses, Christian shifts on his lap like he’s wondering where the sensation went. His shifting pushes the hard line of Christian’s cock rub against Steve’s thigh once, then again as Christian tries to get more friction.

Steve’s sweating himself, not just from exertion, but from watching Christian squirm on his lap, completely forgetting any bravado. Bringing his hand back to rub over the pinked flesh, Christian lets out a ragged needy sound, pushing back into his hand. He plays more there, drawing out the sensations, feeling the heat, kneading the muscle. Seeing Christian twitch his head slightly and Steve moves his other hand to gently rub between Christian’s shoulder blades.

“I’m going to try a hairbrush,” Steve says, his voice breathier with his own arousal now. “What’s your safeword?”

“Texas,” Christian says and the word is almost a groan.

The first blow is more stinging than the slaps had been, a brighter, sharper sensation. “Yess,” Christian slurs. Steve hasn’t asked him a question, but he wants Steve to know he likes it.

The blows are hard, fast, as Christian squeezes the wooden columns of the chair legs in his hands. The sensations seem to meld together, a single feeling of bright pleasure instead of sharp blows. He feels antsy, like he wants more, harder, like he wants to get off, to come, like he wants Steve to touch him, fuck him. He just wants.

Steve stops when Christian stops squirming and goes basically limp. His arm is dead tired and Christian’s ass is more red than rosy. He doesn’t want to go past the point where Christian gives in, doesn’t want to go too far.

He rubs his bare hand along Christian’s ass again, a different sensation from the hairbrush that has Christian stirring again.

“More,” Christian slurs, sounding more drunk now than he had the night before.

“No, baby doll,” Steve says with a little smile. The pet name just slips out as he looks down at his pretty sub, his heart swelling with his want to take care of Christian.

Christian shifts then, hissing as his dick rubs against Steve’s thigh again. “Fuck, need…”

“I know, baby doll. Come on, get up.” It takes a moment for Steve to help Christian get up. Christian is limp, dizzy from the blood rushing away from his head, but Steve gets a supportive arm around Christian’s waist, pushing himself up quick to allow Christian to lean on him.

The covers on the bed have already been pulled back and in two steps, they’re there. Steve pushes Christian to crawl onto it, following as Christian collapses in the middle. Christian is easily following his lead now, seemingly mindlessly. Grabbing the lube off the opposite bedside table, Steve pulls Christian in before he slides his slick right hand down Christian’s cock.

Christian gets into it immediately, like he’s just been waiting for Steve to touch him. Moaning, he leans forward to rest his face on Steve’s chest. He makes no effort to touch his cock, reaching for Steve instead, fisting his hands in the shoulders of Steve’s tshirt and leaning his face on Steve’s chest, biting down a little through the thin cotton, fucking up into Steve’s touch.

Christian comes with violent jerks and soft moans, immediately slumping down fully over Steve who’s busy desperately trying to get his jeans open. Christian is a heavy weight against his left arm as he strokes his dick with a hand covered in Christian’s cum. It’s over practically before it starts.

“Fuck,” Christian says, the humor back in his voice, back to himself.

Steve smiles and tucks his dick, wet and still half hard back into his boxers but leaves his pants open. He pulls Christian closer, brown hair tickling his face. “Get the covers,” he says his voice still soft.

Christian leans down and pulls the covers up, immediately snuggling back into Steve, all awkwardness gone, not even thinking about it. Steve smiles as he pulls Christian close, even taking the opportunity to kiss the top of Christian’s head.

Steve shifts a little under Christian’s dead weight. Christian’s definitely asleep, his face smashed into the curve between shoulder and chest. But Steve’s mind can’t let go of how Christian really gave into the experience, really trusted Steve enough to let it happen. He can’t help seeing again the way Christian squirmed on his lap, and he thinks, he thinks of Brian and all the other guys Christian’s been with who never got to see this, who never got to hold Christian as Steve is holding him now, relaxed and vulnerable, and perfect.

Steve shouldn’t be tired. His arm is tired but he didn’t think that as the dominant that he would feel as wrung out as he does. He turns his face back over to Christian as his eyelids start to close, smelling the familiar scent from a newly intimate angle.

Christian wakes up to an elbow jab in his ribs. He’s had enough bed partners to recognize the sensation. He groans and shifts, still tired, his head feeling heavy. It takes him a minute to realize that he’s lying on top of his bed partner, not a usual sleeping position for him.

He moves to pull away without really thinking about it, but Steve’s arm is around him, pulling him back down, rubbing his bare back. A little of the awkwardness at being the only person naked comes back, but Christian feels too comfortable to worry much about it. Steve would do something if that wasn’t how he wanted things.

“How do you feel?” Steve asks, his voice feeling raspy. He slips his left hand down Christian’s back, over the curve of Christian’s ass, rubbing the globes gently. Christian flinches a little in pain, pushing his face further into Steve’s skin for a second. “Does it feel bruised?”

“A little,” Christian chokes out, feeling the awkwardness moving back in, Steve asking about his beaten ass, fondling it as his dick fattens up against Steve’s thigh again. That worry starts up again, the worry about what he should do so that he doesn’t screw this up as he normally does. This is one relationship he can’t afford to lose, and that’s exactly why they don’t have sex.

But Steve just keeps holding him, petting him. “Ok. We need some water, and some food. How ‘bout we take it up to my room? We can lie down and watch tv,” Steve suggests. He doesn’t wait for a real answer as he uses his top arm to pull the covers off of them. “Can you sit?” Steve asks even as he’s helping Christian to sit up.

“Yeah,” Christian says, nodding and letting Steve sit him at the edge of the bed. There’s pain there, but nothing he regrets.

“Let me get your clothes.” Steve leans over to grab Christian’s jeans and shirt. He wants to get them both comfortable and on even footing before they talk.

He positions the jeans so that Christian can put his feet in, grateful that Christian didn’t have any clean underwear to put on today. He helps Christian to stand before pulling the jeans up, then lets Christian button them as he arranges the shirt, pulling it over Christian’s head as soon as Christian looks up.

Christian’s hair is tangled and fluffy and Steve can’t resist smiling and smoothing it back from Christian’s face. “You ok?” he asks seriously with his hands still on Christian’s face.

Christian smiles back, instead of laughing off the question, ducking his eyes away. “Yeah,” he answers.

Steve nods and moves away, Christian following after. He’s heading to the kitchen but stops before they get there.

“You go on upstairs, I’ll bring the food up,” Steve offers.

Christian looks at him, strangely serious at the suggestion. “Outside of the room, everything’s the same?” he asks.

“Yeah…” Steve answers confused.

“Then I’ll get the food. You’ve got jizz in your pants,” Christian jokes, a mischievous twinkle to his blue eyes.

Steve laughs, closing his eyes for a second before he concedes and heads for the stairs. “Ok.” He certainly doesn’t want to fight with Christian about control right now, but he hopes that Christian isn’t going to assume he has to somehow make up for the comfort Steve gives him in the guest room.

But Christian seems in good spirits when he comes upstairs carrying some reheated leftovers. And he brought them water not beer which Steve considers a minor miracle.

Christian lies down, and they eat and flip channels, just hanging out for a minute. But as soon they’re done eating, Steve knows they have to talk. He can’t just assume everything went fine in there.

Grabbing the remote, Steve turns down the volume and he can see on Christian’s face that he knows what’s about to happen.

Steve turns onto his side, a hand supporting his head. “Obviously we’re gonna talk about it.”

Christian does roll his eyes this time, but obliges Steve by turning onto his side so that they’re facing one another.

“Was it too hard? Or too long?” Steve starts.

“No,” Christian says automatically, but then catches himself. He understands now how honest Steve wants him to be. “I liked it hard, with the brush. My ass hurts a little now, but at the end, it felt really good.”

“Ok, I just don’t want to really hurt you, no matter how good it feels,” Steve says with a little teasing smile. “It wasn’t too much when I jerked you off?”

“Fuck, if you hadn’t, I’da probably died,” Christian jokes with a big grin. “But you didn’t really get anything out of it.”

“Oh, I enjoyed my part,” Steve says smugly causing Christian to blush. It never fails to amaze Steve how Christian can be the most crude and the most bashful person Steve knows.

“Still,” Christian continues roughly. “If we’re gonna do this, I’d like to at least get you off.”

“Ok,” Steve says in that too reasonable voice that generally pisses Christian off. “What would you like to do to me next time?” Steve smiles.

Christian unconsciously licks his lips and lowers his eyelashes for a moment. “I could suck you, next time.”

Steve hopes his smile hasn’t become shark-like at Christian’s suggestion. “Ok. You hesitated at obeying me though, was that too much?”

Fuck, Christian thinks. “No,” he says firmly. “I want to. I want to please you, that way…that way I don’t have to think about what to do.”

“Next time we can focus on that if you want,” Steve offers gently, sensing that this is somehow sensitive for Christian, a matter of pride. “Following instructions, no spanking, no bondage.”

“Yeah,” Christian agrees.

“Are you ok if I touch you more next time? If we do more sexually?” Steve asks.

“Yes, just like the last time you asked,” Christian says exasperated.

“How about toys? Do you have a dildo or plug or anything?”

“Uhh, no,” Christian says smiling wide. “Ste-eve, you’ve been holding out on me, you dog.”

Giving Christian his patented ‘you were dropped on your head as a baby’ look, Steve defends himself. “It’s really not that weird to have toys, jackass. I just spanked your ass with a hairbrush.”

Christian giggles nervously at that comeback, but Steve’s not finished. “So you’re ok being penetrated with a toy next time?” Steve confirms.

“Yes,” Christian answers. “You sound like a sex textbook, penetrated.”

“I just want to make sure we understand each other,” Steve defends.

“Hoss, you start talking like that during sex and this is over,” Christian laughs.

“I’m not going to talk like this during,” Steve says, blushing himself for the first time at the insinuation that he can’t talk dirty.

Christian likes the tinge of pink across the apples of Steve’s cheeks, though he laughs at Steve’s distress and high-pitched defensive voice. “Look, I’ve got to go and get some things together for tomorrow…” Christian says, feeling vaguely like he doesn’t know how to end this, like it’s a date or something. Christ, this was what was not supposed to happen.

“Yeah,” Steve answers immediately. “Remember the band’s not practicing this week, Jason’s out of town.”

Scowling, Christian looks down at this friend still sprawled on the bed. “I know. Y’all act like I can’t remember my own schedule.”

“You can’t,” Steve says matter-of-factly. “You double-book all the time.”

“Fuck off, see ya for the Cowboys game,” Christian growls, raising his hand as he exits the bedroom, collecting his boots on the way out of the house.   
***

Steve is rushing through the grocery store the next Sunday. There’s a standing invitation to the guys to meet at Steve’s house every Sunday in football season so he’s got to be home by 10am. And today the Cowboys are playing so he can’t be late or Christian will have a fit at not seeing kickoff.

Actually Christian is the only one who’s coming, the only one who comes consistently. Christian goes out of town a lot for acting, but when he’s in town, they always spend a lot of time together. And always at Steve’s house, Steve thinks as he picks up a six pack of Christian’s favorite beer. It’s not like Christian doesn’t bring his own beer when he comes over for a game, but Steve just always has some of Christian’s favorites on hand.

It’ll be the first time they’ve seen each other since the spanking. Oh, they’ve talked on the phone some, you’ll never guess what I just saw, listen to what Darren just said, those important daily things they always share with each other. In fact, Steve made a particular effort to call Christian the day after, just to make sure Christian was ok, though he didn’t ask Christian if he was ok, of course.

They’re not going to do anything more than watch a couple of games, at least, Steve hopes Christian doesn’t think that they’re going to do a scene today. Steve doesn’t want to every time they see each other. Christian is his best friend and this wasn’t supposed to change that.

But things have changed, he knows just by the fact that Steve is nervous or excited or whatever it is that is causing his skin to feel slightly too tight. Yeah, he should be excited if they were going into the guest bedroom, but not just to see Christian. It’s not like Christian’s been gone filming recently.

Neither he nor Christian has great relationship track records. Steve himself has ‘shiny’ syndrome. He falls in love quickly, but falls out of love just as quickly because there’s always a shiny new someone else to fall in love with, like different is automatically better. While Christian sabotages himself by choosing these powerful guys who want him to be someone else. They don’t want to hurt each other by attempting a relationship that’s almost certainly doomed to fail.

Later, Christian is in his truck, a cold sixpack as his passenger, heading over to Steve’s and singing along to the radio. The awkwardness he’d felt right after the guestroom has faded with every phone call that was just as inane and comfortable as always.

It’s working out exactly how Steve said. What they did in the guest bedroom hasn’t changed their relationship, but it was…fantastic, freeing and cathartic. And Christian knows that it’s because it was Steve. He does trust Steve to be there for him in a way he can’t even imagine having with all the people he’s dated before.

All those guys, they just thought it was fun to get a little rough, pull on Christian’s shaggy hair, pretend to pin him down with their weight. But he never got what he wanted because he knew all too well that afterwards they would just leave him there.

Still, he hopes that Steve isn’t thinking that they’re going to do it again today, though. Christian wouldn’t be opposed to it, but he doesn’t want every day that they’re hanging out watching ball or playing the guitar to turn into kinky sex time. There are so many things wrong with that thought, Christian thinks as he pulls his truck next to the curb at Steve’s place.

He doesn’t bother knocking, just walks inside, stopping at in the front hallway to slip off his boots.

“Steve! I brought beer,” Christian yells even though he knows Steve is probably only a few feet away in the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen, he sees Steve making some kinda food on the counter, but his first prerogative is to put the beer in the fridge, taking out one for himself to drink now, of course.

“What are you doing?” Christian asks, mildly appalled as he focuses on Steve.

“Making dip,” Steve says but he knows good and well why Christian’s reacting like this.

“With garnishes?” Christian retorts, grabbing the bowl away from Steve. “I know you’ve fried a few brain cells, son, but not all food needs useless green shit on it.”

Steve sighs as he drops his hands to his sides. He doesn’t exactly know why he was doing it anyway, or at least he doesn’t want to admit why. He does have to admit that Christian looks good just wearing loose jeans and a tshirt with bare feet again, his sunglasses pushed up on his head to keep back his floppy hair. And maybe Steve watches a bit too closely as Christian tilts his head back to take a large swallow of beer and then smells the dip, crystal blue eyes lighting up in childish glee at what’s inside.

Christian tucks the bag of chips into the elbow of his arm and makes his way into the living room. The Cowboys are playing the Redskins today and it should be a close game. He’s turned the television on before Steve has even come in the room with his own beer and another dip sans garnish.

Setting his beer down on his battered old coffee-table, Steve grabs the bag of chips to open them. Ok, so he made Christian’s favorite dip and tried to put a garnish on it, but he’s always looked at Christian, Christian’s hot.

Over the course of the game though, Steve’s urge to stare at Christian doesn’t really go away though. He’ll be watching the game, but then Christian will take another swallow of beer, eat some chips and then lick the salt off full lips, take off his sunglasses and constantly run his hands through his floppy hair that’s too long on top. And every time Christian jumps up, screaming at the television like the fucking ref is gonna hear him through the wires, like the ref would care even if he could hear, Steve can’t help the way his eyes are drawn to the curve of Christian’s ass hidden beneath his big tshirt.

He looks and he remembers what it was like to have Christian naked and vulnerable, what it was like to hear and see Christian completely dazed with pleasure, clinging to Steve, what it was like to hold Christian for more than a hug.

“Goddammit,” Christian mumbles as he sits back down on the couch. “His foot did not step out, that was a fucking touchdown, ya fucking morons…Yes! See, toldja,” Christian practically yells, excited as the ref reverses the call after watching the playback.

There’s only running down the clock now, the Cowboys have it so Christian’s eyes now wander a little, over to Steve. It’s still not awkward, they can even touch and push and pull each other without it feeling like it’s suddenly leading somewhere. But there is something…

Christian can’t help looking at Steve and thinking, thinking about Steve intimately undressing him, caressing him before, after, and during the spanking, falling asleep piled together. That was comfortable too, and it makes Christian think about having a relationship that was that comfortable.

But he knows it wouldn’t work. Steve doesn’t want him like that for one. And they couldn’t do that all the time, Christian couldn’t be submissive all the time, and outside of that, Christian would do what he always does, fuck things up. He can’t follow instructions all the time, but without instructions he can’t ever seem to measure up. Steve’s always moving on and Christian would give him plenty of reason to do so.

No, maybe Christian likes the idea of being that close, letting Steve hold him here on the couch, having someone who cares about him outside the bedroom, but it’s not worth the price.

So they sit on the couch, both sneaking glances when the other isn’t looking. They touch as usual but not more than usual, they joke and laugh, yell at the tv and discuss the band’s song list during commercials. They make sandwiches at the beginning of the 1pm game, practice the guitar a little during the hour break at 4pm, and order pizza at about 7pm. And when Christian leaves after the last game ends at 8:30pm, neither has mentioned the guest bedroom.   
***

Wednesday night, Christian gets back from set late feeling antsy and confused. There had been another actor at his agent’s office, an older man with salt n’pepper hair and large hands that were always touching Christian, engulfing his own hand in a handshake, curving over Christian’s shoulder, rubbing down Christian’s back. He was exactly the kind of man Christian is drawn to, the kind he can’t say no to, but tonight, Christian had said no. The man was married, and even though Christian was certain he wouldn’t be the first person the man had cheated with, Christian didn’t want to be one more.

He didn’t want to be with another man who made him feel special and wanted for a moment but didn’t give a shit about him. He has his hand on his cell phone before he has too much more time to think. He wants to call Steve, wants to be in that room again where he feels like he is worth caring about.

“Steve?” Christian responds to Steve answering his phone. “Hey, uhhh, can I come over?” he asks stupidly.

“Sure, Chris…” Steve starts, his confusion evident in his voice.

“To the guestroom,” Christian gets out, not sure how to ask for what he wants and afraid of being told no.

Steve’s silent for a minute, trying to understand, process the magnitude of what Christian’s asking. “Yes,” he finally breathes. “Of course, come over.”

Steve hears Christian mutter a tiny ‘thanks’ before he hears the dial tone, leaving Steve to practically run upstairs to his room, grabbing what he thinks he’ll want before going to set up the guest room. His hands practically shake with the anticipation of having Christian willingly submissive again and the excitement of knowing Christian called to ask for it.

He’s not concerned until he hears a hard knock on the door before the sound of boots on his hardwood floor. Why did Christian call? He doesn’t want this to be a crutch for Christian, something else self-destructive. And when he looks at Christian’s face, the other man seems…somehow sedate.

“Are you ok?” Steve asks before he can stop himself.

Christian smiles slow but genuine, with a kinda self-confidence that Steve doesn’t normally see. “Yeah, I’m…I feel good maybe,” Christian says, pushing his hair back with a hand. He does feel good, but scared too. If he isn’t going to give in to guys like that then who is going to want him?

Steve nods, accepting the vague response. It doesn’t seem like the right time to press for an explanation though he probably will later. He can understand that it must be strangely empowering to submit, a feeling Christian is still figuring out maybe.

“Come on,” Steve says, holding out his hand. He doesn’t know why he does that, trying to lead Christian like a child, like a boyfriend when they’re not even inside the room yet. And Christian just looks at his hand for a long second, but then Christian takes it, following slightly behind Steve.

Christian takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he steps after Steve into the guest room, their hands falling apart. He’s excited and nervous about the unknown of what’s to come, but he can already feel the freedom of being in the room and the strength he feels in that freedom.

He’s still standing there as Steve circles around him. “Take off your clothes,” Steve orders in that gentle firm voice that’s unique to this room too.

Christian hesitates momentarily at first, a kneejerk reaction. He’s never been the one to give any sort of teasing show or strip tease. He’s normally too busy trying to please, to impress his partner.

But he pulls his tshirt off after only a moment, ineffectually trying to push his hair out of his face with a hand as he throws the shirt off to the side. It’s the way he’s the absolute focus of Steve’s attention that throws him. He’s used to feeling lusted after, but is he really that fascinating just taking off his clothes?

Steve bites his bottom lip as Christian leans over to push off his pants and pull off his boots. He takes his time looking over Christian’s naked form, certain the simple lust shows on his face. Christian stands there like a statue, looking proud as a peacock but Steve knows him well enough to know it’s total bullshit. After this long in Hollywood, Christian’s waiting to be found lacking.

“Kneel,” Steve orders. He’s not surprised when Christian hesitates. Christian’s proud, he doesn’t want to seem weak, but Steve is counting on Christian wanting to please him, wanting praise and comfort in return, wanting to stop thinking.

Christian kneels, looking up at Steve, focusing on him. Steve looks beautiful, relaxed and comfortable in his loose bleached jeans that cling to his thighs like they’re in love with him, pale button down unbuttoned enough to show the curve of his pecs, long blonde hair loose and lightly curling around his face. Steve is comfortable in his own skin, with his body and his personality and his talent. Christian just doesn’t look often enough.

He can feel himself relaxing. Steve is his best friend and they care about each other. He can trust Steve, trust that Steve won’t think any less of him for wanting this.

Christian’s eyes stop on Steve’s crotch though, on the tenting of the worn fabric there, the visible line of Steve’s cock. He’s not aware of Steve’s predatory smirk as Steve’s hand enters his vision, stroking over the bulge, his eyes busy following blunt fingers as they trace the outline of Steve’s own dick.

“You want this,” Steve states with a smile, cupping himself.

The sound of Steve’s voice causes Christian to look up suddenly, his eyes darker with lust in his flushed face, rose spreading into his upper chest and shoulders. He nods slowly, mouth open.

Steve’s smile only gets wider. “You want me to open my pants,” Steve says lowly, his fingers moving to pop the button of his jeans. “Fist my hands in your hair, holding you still as I thrust into your mouth, those pretty lips forced wide around my dick.”

Steve pulls the zipper down, watching as Christian’s tongue peeks out to wet his lips in preparation. “No, I don’t think I will.”

Christian’s expression falls, his lashes lowering to partially cover expressive eyes. He doesn’t know what he did wrong, wants to plead his case, he can be good, he can give the best blowjob Steve’s ever had, but for once Christian doesn’t argue or get defensive. He waits, because Steve won’t just reject him, because Steve will tell him what to do to make it better.

Steve drops his pants. “No, I want to lay you out on the bed,” Steve continues, stepping out of his pants and starting to unbutton his shirt. Christian is still only watching through long eyelashes, but he is watching, avidly. “I want to know all the places that make you squirm and moan…”

The words trail off as Steve drops his shirt, the thin fabric slithering off Steve’s arms, and Christian does moan, low and plaintive. The sound doesn’t slip out, it’s pulled, like an out of body experience, the words an inescapable command.

“That’s it, baby doll. I want to hear you, I want to know what you like, how it feels, how I make you feel.” Steve can’t help rubbing one hand over his own belly. The attraction between them is palpable. Christian has relaxed, is submitting to Steve’s will, but Steve has to fight not to just take Christian, not to ruin what Christian came here for.

“Show me. Don’t touch your dick, but show me where you want to be touched.”

Christian’s relaxed hands come up immediately to the tops of his muscular thighs, rubbing down them. His breath shudders audibly as he draws his nails back up the sensitive insides.

“Like that?” Steve asks. “Like that sting on your inner thighs? Want me to bite that sensitive skin, suck bruises there? Or maybe I should buy a little whip. Would you like that? The sharp sting?”

Christian’s panting now, running his nails almost desperately up his thighs wanting to feel the intensity of what Steve’s describing. He doesn’t know what sounds he’s making, doesn’t care to censor himself, doesn’t have to.

“Fuck, Christian,” Steve’s own voice is a groan. The way Christian looks now is better than any fantasy, kneeling, sweaty and flushed, body tense but face relaxed, those fucking lips fallen open and those beautiful eyes filled with lust and nothing else, no fear or anxiety, no walls of bravado or machismo. And the fucking sounds, openly needy and wrecked.

“Where else? Where else do you want me to touch you?” Steve manages.

Christian’s hands slide up his body, not intentionally like a show, but as if he just needs to be touched, like he’s pretending it’s Steve’s hands on him. They slide up his belly to his chest, his nipples, first teasing fingertips then Christian’s whole hand his obscuring the dusky nubs as he pinches them.

“Of course you’d want those nipples played with,” Steve says, a hint of a grin in his voice and on his face. “You like to pinch the very tip?” Steve queries, watching as Christian’s hips jerk forward as Christian does what Steve’s describing. “Maybe I should buy some nipple clamps…so I can keep torturing them as I play with your other parts.”

Christian whimpers, high-pitched and plaintive. His whole body feels sensitive and hot, his dick so hard it seems almost outside his body.

“What about that hole?” Steve continues. “You like to have your hole played with, filled?”

Christian’s hands are already moving downward, feeling a sudden intense need to be stretched, filled, but Steve stops him.

“Stand up,” Steve orders, his own need making the command urgent. Christian’s standing before he’s even had time to think about it. He feels completely in tune with Steve, all he can see, hear, feel, and think about it is Steve and what Steve wants.

“Come here,” Steve says, twisting his body a little. “Lay down on the bed.” Even as Christian is moving towards him, Steve reaches out, placing a gentle guiding hand on the back of Christian’s head and lower back to help him lie down on.

The touch is soft, but Christian has to swallow hard as he lays his head back on the mattress. He feels that old defensiveness rearing its ugly head and he swallows back anger at being coddled. Because it doesn’t make Christian feel useless or weak, it makes Christian feel special, cared for, and that scares him just as much.

It’s a fear that Steve sees on Christian’s face as he climbs onto the bed between Christian’s thighs and reluctantly removes his hands. His smile is only slightly forced as he reaches for something he’d put on the bed earlier.

“I did buy you something,” Steve says, his smile widening as Christian’s eyes widen at the dildo Steve places on Christian’s stomach. It’s plain and silver, and has three vibrating speeds, nothing too big or intense this time. Steve drops the little bottle of lube on Christian just as Christian’s reaching for it.

“Uh-huh,” Steve admonishes. “You’ve gotta open yourself up first, with your fingers.”

Christian nods with still wide eyes, moving the vibrator off his stomach and opening the bottle of lube. He’s still amazed how exposed and displayed he feels, considering how much sex he’s had since he learned what his dick was for. It’s thrilling in a way, having Steve watch him pleasure himself, like he’s been caught.

“Pull your left leg up to your chest,” Steve orders with a tap to Christian’s left leg. This is really the first time he’s been treated to the sight of Christian’s most intimate place and his cock twitches in his boxers.

He wants it to be his own fingers, but he’s fascinated by the intimacy as Christian’s slick fingers rub over the wrinkled muscle. “You like that, like the anticipation of being filled, like being teased? You want me to run my fingernail over that tight hole?”

Christian moans low, his finger hesitating from pushing inside. He can’t resist running the edge of one of his own fingernails over his hole, the new sensation intense on sensitive skin, the promise of pain, and he wants it. He wants to just shove that vibrator in, wants to feel torn open.

“Just one finger,” Steve commands and Christian groans in defeat even as he slips one slick finger in. It’s not enough, it doesn’t feel like anything would be enough at this point.

“Shhh, babydoll,” Steve soothes. “Just feel that one finger, feel that small something inside you.”

Christian takes a deep breath, relaxing again because Steve is going to make it good, like last time. He carefully slips the one finger in and out, appreciating it more.

“Two fingers,” Steve breathes out. “Find your prostate. I wanna see you feel it.”

Just pushing two fingers in put slight pressure on his prostate but Christian likes more. His two fingers rub the spot firmly.

Christian’s face falls to the side and his eyes close, white teeth digging into that bottom lip. It’s like Christian’s forgotten about Steve as he pushes his hips up into his own touch. The idea that he’s watching something illicit, something he’s not supposed to be seeing has Steve’s hand dipping below his waistband to grip the base of his dick.

“Now the dildo,” Steve says, pushing his boxers down and sitting momentarily to get them off his legs. Christian grabs the dildo, but then pauses, staring at Steve’s dick, a dark rose against his paler body.

It’s the first time Christian’s seen Steve naked and hard, and for a moment Christian finds it hard to reconcile the hot hard body in front of him with the friend he’s laughed, burped, and made an ass of himself in front of.

Steve laughs, low and husky and it brings Christian back to the moment. “You still want this,” Steve asks, fisting his dick slow and leisurely. “Put the dildo in. Show me how you like it.”

Christian’s arm is getting tired of holding his leg up, but he licks his lips and places the dildo at his entrance. He can’t stop watching Steve though. His dick is thick and Christian wants it, wants it fucking him, wants the weight of it on his tongue, he wants Steve’s body pressing him down…he groans as he pushes the dildo in, filling him better than his fingers.

“Show me,” Steve orders, getting closer. “Show me how you want me to fuck you.”

Christian’s hand starts moving, wanting it to be good for Steve, wanting to be good. He slides the dildo in and out a few times, opening himself more, before his thrusts turn fast and hard. The dildo slides past his prostate, the pressure teasing compared to how he likes it and he quickly repositions to hit his prostate directly, the pain/pleasure singing through his veins and drowning out everything else.

Until he feels Steve’s hand covering his own. As much as Steve liked watching Christian fuck himself hard, liked the choking gasps and interspersed little cries, he doesn’t want it to end just yet.

Christian’s eyes open, watching Steve’s face as the blonde leans over him and he releases the dildo, leaving it in Steve’s hand. Steve slides the dildo out slowly then shoves it back in hard, surprising Christian who cries out.

Steve keeps going, fucking Christian just as hard and fast as Christian was fucking himself. Steve wants to know how Christian likes it, needs to know that Christian likes to have his prostate pounded. Christian eyes and mouth stay open, watching Steve fuck him. It’s unnerving and exciting, intimate in a way Steve hadn’t been expecting.

Slowing down reluctantly, Steve pushes the dildo in all the way to the flared base and leaves it there. Christian’s still panting as Steve then gets Christian to let go of his leg, lowering it to the bed, Christian moaning at how the dildo shifts inside.

Steve settles back on his knees, saying, “Now I’m gonna let you suck me, now that you’re stuffed.”

Steve smiles, but Christian feels too wrecked to really respond. He lets Steve move him up farther onto the bed til his head is resting on a pillow stuffed between his shoulders and the headboard. Unsure what’s going on, he simply looks at Steve expectantly.

“Put your arms by your sides,” Steve orders right before he climbs on top of Christian’s chest, his knees keeping Christian’s biceps tight to his body.

Christian finally gets it as Steve’s dick bobs in front of his face. He’s pinned down by Steve’s weight and a thrill of excitement goes through him at the helplessness of the position.

Steve has to swallow hard, the anticipation at having Christian’s mouth on him too much. “Ok,” he says, leaning back to grab Christian’s hands and putting them on his waist. “If you want me to stop for any reason, just drop both of your hands. Say it.”

“I’ll drop my hands if I want you to stop,” Christian recites, too excited by current prospects to think about Steve and his damn protectiveness.

“No questions or punishment or disappointment if you need me to stop,” Steve adds. His hand reaches out for Christian’s face, smoothing back the strands of hair that are clinging to Christian’s sweaty face before he uses that hand to hold Christian’s jaw as he guides his dick inside.

Christian’s hands tighten on Steve’s hips, wanting to feel Steve beneath his hands, savor the weight and taste on his tongue. Fuck he’s never enjoyed giving head this much, but there’s never been this much buildup. His movements shift the dildo again and he can’t help rocking down on it a little.

Steve isn’t rough but forceful, the press of his cock into Christian’s mouth inescapable. Christian moans around the width, his hands pulling Steve in more as his knees come up unconsciously. He’s rocking his hips down faster now, moaning louder when Steve’s hand pushes Christian’s head back, opening his throat for Steve’s fat dick.

Christian feels helpless as Steve’s hips thrust forward, and it turns him on more than he had thought possible. He can’t see much of Steve, but he can clearly see how Steve’s abs clench and ripple just before Steve’s thrusts turned jerky, insistent, his hand tightening on Christian’s face, holding him in place as bitter hot fluid runs down the back of his throat.

Steve leans on the headboard, trying to catch his breath for a second before he pulls out of Christian’s mouth. He’s trying not to crush or suffocate Christian, but damn if he doesn’t feel like he just lost half of his brain cells.

“You ok, babydoll?” Steve asks as he moves slowly backward off of Christian and then pulls Christian to move back down the mattress. Steve’s hand goes to the dildo visible between Christian’s asscheeks.

“Fuck, yes,” Christian moans, his voice hoarse and scratchy. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Christian’s words turn into a moan.

“Hmmm, ok,” Steve says. “Get yourself off. Fuck yourself with this fake dick and jerk your cock.”

Christian’s hand is already wrapped around his dick when Steve continues. “Just one more thing,” he says nonchalantly as he flips the switch at the base of the vibrator.

The low vibrations hum through sensitive flesh, vibrations Christian can feel in his thighs. “Mmmmm,” he responds to Steve’s latest sensation.

“How ‘bout this,” Steve says turning it up another speed, watching as Christian’s body bows with the increased vibrations. “Fuck that into your prostate.”

Obeying, Christian’s hand wraps around the base of the dildo that Steve has released. He can’t resist pushing it in hard against his prostate, the pain of it so sharp it almost drowns out the pleasure, does drown out the feel of his hand on his dick practically. He can’t help doing it again, and again, until he’s coming, liquid heat on his chest and abs, he tightens and jerks with an orgasm that seems to just keep going, his fist squeezing his dick tight as he continues to jab the dildo in.

Christian doesn’t even pull the dildo out, his hands and legs simply fall to the mattress. It’s Steve who turns the vibrator off and slips it out, causing Christian to whimper and twitch, turn his face to the side as if to hide.

“Sshh, babydoll. You did so good, so beautiful.” Steve drops the toy on the bedside table to clean up later, instead grabbing a bottle of Gatorade.

Steve can’t resist leaning down to kiss Christian’s upturned cheek before prodding Christian to lift up a little. Steve helps him drink, one hand against cradling the back of Christian’s skull. Then he’s pulling them both back up to the pillows, dragging the covers over them.

Settling down in the spooning position, Steve is surprised when Christian rocks his ass back on Steve’s still half-hard dick like he’s on auto-pilot.

“No, babydoll,” Steve soothes, pulling Christian to turn over. Fortunately Christian burrows his face into Steve’s sweaty neck and passes out almost immediately.   
***

Steve passed out quickly himself, waking to find sunlight coming in through the windows. He can’t help the way his hands immediately began to rub over Christian’s bare back, enjoying the feel of finally being naked with Christian, feeling Christian’s naked skin against his own. God, he wants to wake up like this always.

When Christian groans and starts to wake, Steve feels a little guilty for moving. But Christian is absolutely adorable as he pushes up from Steve chest, blinking at the morning light with those damn long front pieces sticking practically straight up.

“Fu-uck,” Christian mumble/groans. “I have shit to do today.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to get cleaned up and have some food first,” Steve says, grabbing the bottle of Gatorade again.

Christian reaches for the bottle but Steve holds it away. “We’re still in the room,” he teases with a smile. Grumbling incoherently, Christian flops down on the bed on his back, letting Steve support his head again to drink. There’s that flutter in his chest again at being taken care of.

Steve wants to kiss Christian, wants to lie back down and cuddle and stay in bed all day. He wants Christian. And he can’t believe that he didn’t see this coming a mile away. The jury’s still out on whether this is going to end in disaster or not, but Steve knows he can’t say no if Christian asks for this.

Turning his face away, Steve takes a drink from the bottle himself then gets up to get his clothes. He collects Christian’s clothes but doesn’t give them to the other musician. “You go upstairs and get a shower and I’ll make breakfast, ok?”

It’s a question, but it’s an order, but it entails leaving this room. Christian smiles teasingly as he answers, “Yes.” Then he grabs the clothes and follows Steve to the door.

It feels good to walk upstairs to Steve’s shower naked, comfortable like he’s supposed to be here. He hasn’t ruined his friendship and gets amazing sex. Steve has always been there for him to return to after every movie and every fucked up relationship. He hasn’t really thought about what’ll happen when one of them meets someone else, but for himself, maybe it’s a good thing to take a break from dating for a while.

He has to put his clothes from last night back after he showers, but by the time he wanders downstairs breakfast is ready and on the table.

But this time Christian doesn’t want to wait to Steve to bring up the inevitable topic. He wants this to continue and he wants to let Steve know that.

After a few bites, he starts, “So all that stuff you said in the guest room, was that just talk?”

Steve is so surprised he’s glad he wasn’t eating or drinking in that moment, but it doesn’t take long for the surprise to wear off and the happiness to sink in. Yeah, maybe (definitely) he’s in too deep, but the idea of actually doing those things to Christian has him biting his cheeks to keep from smiling.

“Doesn’t have to be just talk,” Steve answers nonchalantly.

“Really?” Christian replies coolly, trying to figure out Steve’s feelings by his face. “Because I thought that, I mean, that we’d have sex.” Christ, he just blew being cool out of the water.

Steve has to smile at Christian’s characteristic fumbling. “We can. I don’t want to rush you.”

Christian blushes and looks away. The need for defensive anger still isn’t there, instead Christian is amazed anyone would worry about him like that. Most people just assume he’s ready and willing 24/7.

“So you want to do those things I suggested? You want to try nipple clamps?” Steve asks to be sure of what Christian is saying.

“Yes. And the whip on my thighs,” Christian gets out despite his embarrassment.

“What about bondage?” Steve asks.

“What?” Christian asks in surprise. He’d thought this time he had the upper hand or at least that they were on more   
even footing, but once again he’s the naïve one.

“Would it be too much if I tied you down? If you were tied down during the whipping or during sex?” Steve asks again, still trying to keep his personal feelings on the matter out of his voice and off his face.

Christian squirms in his seat a little, this new idea making him hot again. “No. That-that sounds good.”

He takes a bite of his eggs to give himself a moment. Then he remembers he does actually need to leave so he shovels a few more forkfuls in and then stands.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta run. But see you at rehearsal this week, right?” Christian says. It’s not easy having this kind of sex talk with anyone, but it’s much easier than he had thought to remember that their new activities don’t define them.

Steve stands himself, walking Christian to the door which he never does, but he just has to ask one more thing. “You’re really ok having penetrative sex?”

This time Christian does glare but it’s ruined by the twinkle of mischief in blue eyes. “There you go with the technical talk again. Ya know, I was really enjoying the dirty talk,” he jokes. But he’s serious as he answers, “Yes. I’m sure.”  
***

It’s Steve who asks again at the rehearsal. He doesn’t know how frequently or infrequently they should be doing this, particularly because Steve has started to realize that there won’t be anyone else while this thing with Christian is going on. He seems to have inadvertently discovered commitment, though he tells himself that it’s just the allure of wanting but not having Christian, not really.

In the back of his mind though, he hopes that’s not the reason. If he could commit to anyone, wouldn’t it be the man he’s already committed to in so many ways? What is it about sex that causes him to run for the hills, or more like run into the next green field?

To Steve, Christian entering is like a light suddenly turning on in the room. His eyes are immediately drawn to Christian, everything’s immediately better, just because Christian’s there. All the time’s that Steve’s been in love, he’s never felt this companionship before, this need to comfort and shelter. And Steve swears it’s not just his imagination that has him thinking that Christian is hovering around him, getting closer to him, smiling at him more with that soft relaxed look on his face.

Christian does feel relaxed, just knowing that Steve was going to be there. He’s always loved to be around Steve, felt comfortable being himself around Steve, but something about this new arrangement has him feeling easy, has him drifting in Steve’s orbit, riding the high of that comfort and affection. This is probably the best idea Steve’s ever had.

They’re packing up their stuff after the rehearsal, saying goodbye to the guys, when Steve asks casually, “Wanna come over to the guest room tomorrow?”

There’s a lightness in his chest when Christian smiles and pushes back his hair before saying yes. Steve has to love anything that puts that shy smile on Christian’s face.

It’s there on Christian’s face when he comes over the next day too. For a moment, Steve wonders exactly how to start it this time, if he should take it slower than inviting Christian immediately into the guest bedroom. It also doesn’t help that what he really wants to do is pull Christian in for a kiss.

“Ready?” Christian asks, grinning cheekily. Impatient is his middle name, and he’s been thinking of nothing else since yesterday.

It does suddenly feel a little strange to wait to touch Steve until they get into the guest bedroom. They’re both hot and ready, he doesn’t need to glance at Steve’s crotch to know. It almost feels like they should have kissed or something, started stripping right at the door.

They’ve always had an easy kind of affection between them so it’s only slightly out of the ordinary when Steve lays a hand on Christian’s shoulder, running the hand down Christian’s arm to grasp Christian’s hand. He leads them through the doorway.

As soon as they’re inside though, Steve drops Christian’s hand and turns to face the brunette. “Get undressed.”

Christian complies immediately, feeling less awkward than he has any other time they’ve done this. Everything feels more relaxed and comfortable.

“Now undress me,” Steve orders, wasting no time.

Christian steps forward immediately but conspicuously drops his eyes as he starts to unbutton Steve’s shirt. Last time Steve was so far away, almost unattainable, and now undressing Steve feels incredibly intimate. He can feel Steve’s heat, smell Steve, clean and sharp like freshly cut grass in the sun.

He’s undressed partners before but not like this, not this slow deliberate unveiling of Steve’s body. He hesitates when he gets to Steve’s boxer-briefs but Steve didn’t say stop so he pulls them down over Steve’s hard dick, kneeling down to remove the jeans and briefs from Steve’s feet.

“Get on the bed,” Steve continues, the fast pace throwing Christian off-guard as intended. “Kneel facing me,” he says, using a light grip on Christian’s elbow to help the man up.

Feeling a fresh thrill run through him, Christian looks down. The bed puts his chest at height with Steve’s face, and he sucks in a startled breath when Steve runs his knuckles down the center of his chest, his abs quivering. They’ve never really touched this much.

Steve runs his hand around Christian’s small waist to his lower back, holding Christian there as Steve leans forward sucking one nipple into his mouth. In surprise, Christian’s back arches into Steve’s mouth, his weight resting more on Steve’s hand.

Steve takes his time, suckling the nipple and pulling Christian’s body closer with a hand, before he’s pulling away a little to take just the tip between his teeth, gnawing gently as Christian literally cries like a wounded animal at the sensations.

“You like that, babydoll?” Steve asks, his lips brushing the skin of Christian’s pec. He bites the sensitive skin between pec and armpit, before he pulls his lips away completely. “Then you’ll like this.”

Steve holds up a nipple clamp with a silver chain hanging down from it and Christian sucks in an anxious breath only to have his breath stolen at the pain of it.

“Shhh, you’re ok,” Steve soothes as Christian arches hard, his face grimacing but not making a sound. He runs the hand not supporting Christian up and down Christian’s belly.

After a moment, some of the tension runs out of Christian’s body and he whimpers as he tries to breathe, the smallest movement sending fresh sparks of pain from his nipple to his dick.

“Ready for the next one?” Steve questions firmly as Christian’s head drops forward.

“Yes,” Christian pants out, biting his lip immediately in preparation. Now that he knows what it feels like, the second one isn’t as debilitating, instead he groans and shakes, jerks at the intensity. He doesn’t even notice Steve connecting the chain to the other nipple until he opens his eyes at Steve’s voice.

“So good, you look so good like this,” Steve breathes, running a light finger along the length of the chain.

Christian’s jaw goes totally lax at the slight pull, only able to make whimpering, “Unh, unh,” sounds.

Steve places an open mouthed kiss on Christian’s sternum before climbing onto the bed himself. “C’mon, lay down for me.”

With Steve’s help, Christian lies down on his back, pillow beneath his head. Steve runs his hands over Christian’s belly again, before dragging them lower, over the tops of Christian’s thighs, his hands dipping inside to coax them open.

“Keep them open wide, baby doll,” Steve orders gently as he brings Christian’s hands down to cover Christian’s own dick. “Just keep your junk out of the way.”

Steve smiles as he reaches to grab his next toy. He decided to go with a crop for more control and has spent a few days practicing.

“You want this?” Steve asks firmly as he shows Christian the toy. He needs Christian to keep responding to him or the whole thing stops. “You want to feel the sting on your thighs?”

Christian moans feebly before focusing bright blue eyes. He feels like he’s riding on waves of sensation, each one sharp and punishing. “Yes, I want,” he says, wanting more, wanting to feel that biting pain again.

Christian’s back bows again as the first strike hits high up on his inner right thigh. His vision goes white for just a second but it’s the sting on sensitive skin that lasts, tingling, teasing, and the next strike, and the next.

Steve gives each thigh two hits before he stops and runs his hands over the red marks. “More,” Christian chokes out.

Chuckling softly, Steve refuses. Christian is wrecked, sweating and shuddering, high on endorphins that have him mewling and squirming under Steve’s soothing hands. Steve takes Christian’s hands away from his dick and then pulls him up to sitting.

“Sit up. C’mon, get on your hands and knees, just like that, baby doll.” Christian moves easily onto his hands and knees, holding the position as Steve gets his next purchases out, thigh and wrist spreaders.

“I’m gonna attach these cuffs to your thighs,” Steve says, letting Christian know what’s going on. “To keep your legs apart.”

Steve attaches the cuffs just above Christian’s knees, avoiding the red welts higher up. He can’t help reaching under Christian to give the silver chain a little tug, just to watch Christian arch and moan.

“Fuck, pain looks so beautiful on you,” Steve whispers. “Put your chest down on the bed.”

Christian obeys, lowering his chest like he’s doing a girly pushup, moaning as his pinched nipples come into contact with the bed. “I’m going to attach these cuffs to your wrists, just a little behind your back. You won’t be able to push up.”

Steve attaches one cuff to Christian’s left wrist, the black bar going across Christian’s lower back to where Steve attaches the next cuff, arms slightly spread away from the body. It throws Christian completely off balance so he has to keep his chest lying on the bed.

“Can you breathe?” Steve asks, pushing the pillows away.

“Yes,” Christian answers.

Steve lets his fingers play over Christian’s tight dry hole. “Do you want a dildo, or my dick in this tight hole?”

Shifting as much as he can to push his ass back, Christian responds. “Your dick, fuck…Fuck me, Steve.”

The inclusion of his name has Steve pausing, feeling light-headed himself. Draping himself over Christian’s bare back, he kisses a few knobs of Christian’s spine. “Ok, baby doll. Anything for you.”

Christian moans greedily as Steve wraps an arm around his thighs and two slick fingers are inserted at once. He’s never felt so helpless, not even the last time they were in this room. He doesn’t think he could get away if he tried. It’s maddening and exhilarating and comforting, all at once to give over that much control.

“More, God, more,” Christian begs, wanting to be really filled this time. He isn’t expecting it when Steve pulls the fingers out and runs them up and down Christian’s cock teasingly, cupping his heavy balls.

Steve puts the condom on and lubes himself quickly. Grabbing onto Christian’s hips with slick hands, he pushes in hard and fast, only to still, petting Christian’s sides and back.

It’s the stretch Christian’s been gagging for, stuffed full and stretched wide, exposed and helpless to the intrusion. The momentary pause lets him really feel Steve’s cock finally inside him, Steve who cares about him and comforts him and is petting him gently.

Bending over again, Steve places his hands on the bed between Christian’s arms and his body and languidly starts thrusting. Christian’s scent fills his nose, warm and musky like cedar. Christian’s moan is like a wail and Steve doesn’t think the other man even hears it.

Christian’s tight and hot, welcoming even though he’s tied down and can’t thrust back much. Steve circles his hips, teasingly.

Christian misses Steve’s warmth when Steve kneels up again, but then Steve is thrusting harder, pushing and pulling his body into the thrusts, dragging his nipples on the sheet. It’s not long before Steve’s panting and desperate, though, the need to just cum while inside Christian’s hot body overwhelming.

“You want to come, baby doll?” Steve asks breathlessly.

“Eeenhh,” Christian moans, drooling on the sheets and trying to form an actual word. “Yessss.”

Steve changes his angle abruptly trying to nail Christian’s prostate like Christian had liked with the dildo. “Like this?” Steve grunts, slamming in hard.

Christian can only get a single word out between hard thrusts. “Not…enough,” Christian groans.

Steve tries again, pulling Christian’s hips down a little to angle further. The result is immediate, Christian cries out sharp and loud, jerking against his bonds a little before his whole body tenses, whimpering as he spills onto the bed.

Steve hits the spot a few more time, trying to prolong Christian’s orgasm as long as possible, before he’s sliding in deep and fast, racing to his own climax. Christian goes limp in the bonds, his head fuzzy and the feel of Steve’s last thrusts dampened.

He barely notices as Steve releases the bonds on his hands, tucking them close to his body before releasing his legs. Christian starts paying attention when Steve rolls him over and he’s looking up into relaxed, pleased blue eyes. Then Steve takes the nipple clamps off.

Christian writhes with the sudden intense return of blood to his abused nipples, jerky movements desperately trying to find relief, but Steve’s there, his arm around Christian’s waist pulling the struggling body close. Steve’s tongue is there, licking over the reddened nubs and it makes things worse, and better, so fucking good he only wishes he could cum again.

“Oh, God,” Christian cries, his hips jerking into Steve’s body. It takes awhile for Christian to come down, first to stop squirming and secondly to relax in Steve’s grip.

When he finally does, Steve just pulls him closer, wrangling the covers over them.   
***

Christian wakes first for once a few hours later. He’s still on top of Steve, cradled to the other man’s body. He thinks it’s something he could get used to, but guys who are interested in him are always more interested in fucking than cuddling. No one seems to be able to see past his bullshit except Steve.

And if he’s in the mood to be honest with himself, Christian would have to admit that he’s thought of Steve quite a few times while sleeping alone. He wonders whether it’s just what they do in the guest bedroom or if Steve’s like this with all his partners. Because as much as Christian loves the affection, he still doesn’t want his entire sex life to be submissive.

Steve stirs them and Christian burrows back in, wanting every moment available to him. As Steve wakes, he immediately tightens his arms around Christian and Christian just melts. He wants this, wants to feel cared for, wants to be with someone who wants more than just fucking.

Pressing his lips to Christian’s forehead, Steve rubs Christian’s arm for a minute before giving in to the inevitable. “Guess we should get up.”

Christian nods and sits up. No use prolonging the separation, nothing that good lasts. Steve gets off the bed and gets the clothes, dressing Christian like he did the first time, checking that Christian’s nipples and thighs aren’t still too red.

He can’t help running a hand over the tiny raised lines of Christian’s inner thighs though. “Is it bad?” he asks.

“No,” Christian says, the words are sincere but the smile on Christian’s face is sad. Steve doesn’t know what to make of it.

Steve goes out the door first, closing it behind them but as soon as it’s closed he’s asking, “Wanna go upstairs and take a shower? You can just put on some of my stuff and I’ll make some cold sandwiches and bring them up.”

Christian just nods this time and heads up the stairs. Steve brings the food up, then showers himself before joining Christian on Steve’s bed.

Steve takes a gulp of water and eats a bite of sandwich before he gives in to questioning Christian. “Was it too much? The cane, or the sex?”

“What?” Christian asks. He hadn’t been paying attention. “No, no, it was…great.”

Christian’s smile is bigger this time but his eyes are still sad. Steve doesn’t get to comment though as Christian keeps going.

“Definitely not too much, the sex was the best I’ve ever had. You definitely went on a shopping spree,” Christian laughs but it is hollow. “And I would be ok adding more pain…I’m just, I’m gonna go get some more mustard.” Christian gets up quickly, heading downstairs without glancing back.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Christian thinks as he enters the kitchen. Maybe Steve was right, they shouldn’t have rushed into sex. Christian hadn’t been paying attention to what Steve was saying because he was too busy feeling the ache in his ass and wanting more, wanting Steve. He wants Steve to fuck him again, wants to crawl across that bed and lick mustard off Steve’s lips, watch tv curled in Steve’s arms. He wants to be with the guy who makes him laugh and helps him with the guitar, the guy who taught him to cook, the guy he likes to just stay home with, laughing and drinking.

Christian knew this was a terrible idea. He just didn’t listen to his head he listened to his dick as usual. He’s always known Steve was his soul mate, but he also knows that they can’t be together. Steve’s probably already thinking about his next conquest. And if not, the pressures of a relationship would undoubtedly ruin what they have, because what they have is based on not having expectations. They’re both too busy, too focused on what they do.

And why would Steve want to have a relationship with someone who likes to be submissive? Christian’s fear at being seen as weak suddenly comes back to slap him in the face. This is a fucking trainwreck.

But then he gets an idea. He’s heard people on set talk about clubs, anonymous sex clubs where people do scenes together with strangers. Maybe if they did that, it would take the focus off of each other and then the ‘guest bedroom’ between them would simply end naturally. Maybe Steve will even find someone else to take to the guest bedroom.

That thought hurts a little, the idea that Steve could have this with anyone. Christian is convinced he’ll never find that with anyone else, and it’s amazing how quickly he got used to being comforted, feeling important, being free. But he’d rather have just friendship than not to have Steve at all.

Decision made, Christian begins to head back upstairs, only to come back down and get the mustard.

Finally upstairs, Christian lies back on Steve’s bed carefully, squeezing more of the stupid mustard on the sandwich he’s probably not going to eat. He just wants to get it off his chest already but he doesn’t want to seem too eager.

“Hey, I was thinking how I want to try more pain, more’s always better, right? And I was thinking about one of those sex clubs, some guy on set the other day was talking about one, and there’d be more toys and more guys…” Christian trails off. He knows he fucked up the explanation, as usual, so he’s waiting for Steve to respond with baited breath.

Steve hesitates, feeling like he’s been slapped in the face. They had sex, for the first time, and immediately Christian wants to be with other people? He watches Christian play with his sandwich but he can’t tell what the other musician is thinking, there are many things that would make Christian fidget in embarrassment in this conversation.

“Uhh, ok. Yeah, we can…try that,” Steve finally responds. He has to remind himself that this isn’t about them, the guest bedroom is about exploring their fantasies, and if this is Christian’s fantasy…Steve wants to give it to him.  
***

A week and a half later they’re inside a respectable, private sex club. Christian had set it up, gaining their admission and asking for the setup they wanted. They agreed that there would be spanking, but no penetrative sexual acts or bondage.

Naked from the waist up, Steve helps Christian climb naked onto the spanking bench. He’s been practically despondent since they had started talking about this. He’s been dumped before and he and Christian didn’t even really have a relationship, but he feels hollow at the idea of Christian being vulnerable and needy with anyone else, at the idea that he won’t be able to touch Christian again, he won’t have Christian beneath him again or hear Christian’s desperate cries, he won’t be able to hold Christian close and fall asleep together.

But if this is what Christian wants…Steve runs a soothing hand down Christian’s bare back. He can tell Christian’s nervous. Christian is positioned with his ass facing the rest of the room so Christian can’t see who may or may not be looking, or about to touch.

Christian’s practically shuddering with anxiety. He can’t believe he’s doing this. Yeah, ok, he’s had lots of sex, he hasn’t exactly been choosy about his partners and he’s had semi-public sex before, but he’s never felt this vulnerable with anyone but Steve. With all those partners before he had tried to keep control, even if he was on the bottom, even if the guy was playing at dominating him, he was never out of control.

It’s hard to remember how this is the brilliant plan that’s going to save his and Steve’s relationship. But he has to go through with it, they’re here and he certainly hasn’t come up with any other way to gently end the sex with Steve.

Christian takes a deep breath and locks his muscles. He knows Steve will be watching him for discomfort but Steve won’t question him wanting to initially brace himself.

“What’s your safeword?” Steve questions firmly as guys start to enter the room. He had seen plenty of guys looking at Christian just walking in here and he knows it won’t be long.

“Texas,” Christian answers though he keeps his face turned away from Steve on the bench.

Two guys finally approach, both bigger than Steve, dark hair covering their naked chests all the way down to their leather pants. One has short hair and facial hair while the other has shaggier hair.

“What’s his safeword?” the short-haired man asks, picking up a thick paddle.

“Texas,” Steve says firmly, keeping his hand on Christian’s back to show ownership. “Use any toys you want but no penetration and stop when he or I say the safeword.”

The guy answers, “Of course,” but the accompanying smile sets Steve on edge. Not that he can blame these guys from wanting to play with Christian’s ass but the whole thing as him on edge.

Christian jumps at the touch of a hand on his ass that’s not Steve’s. He has to subdue his first reaction to whip his head around and see who’s touching him. The touch isn’t out of bounds, it’s simply a firm caress of his asscheek. He tries to settle down.

The first blow isn’t the least bit hesitant. Christian feels it through his whole body though the bench keeps him in place. It’s not the force of the blow though, it’s that he can still feel Steve’s hand on his back and knows that it’s not Steve spanking him. And then the guy rubs his hand over Christian’s ass again.

Christian’s ass doesn’t jiggle at all with the force of the first blow and Steve knows Christian’s too tense. He knows that even if this is Christian’s fantasy, he might not be ready yet.

“Relax, baby doll,” Steve soothes, his hand still running up and down Christian’s stiff back.

The sound of the pet name rolls over Christian like the warmth of a fire at his back. He’ll miss the sound of it and everything hearing it entails.

Steve can feel the way his voice relaxes Christian and that’s when the next blow hits his ass. He’s mesmerized by the way that the force ripples through Christian’s muscles.

Caught off guard, Christian lets out a small sound which Steve takes as a good sign that Christian is getting into it.

“That’s it, baby doll. Just relax,” Steve says again, smoothing the loose strands of dark hair back from Christian’s face.

The blows keep coming and Christian can’t seem to find his balance again. He feels too vulnerable now in his relaxed state. The helplessness isn’t thrilling or comforting like it was in Steve’s guest bedroom, it’s scary, and overwhelming.

Both men are contributing blows now to elicit more of Christian’s soft needy cries. The short-haired man still uses the thick paddle while the shaggy-haired man has chosen a flogger.

But Steve notices immediately when Christian starts to shake, his panting breath becoming even shorter, like hyperventilating.

“No-o, Te…” Christian mumbles.

“Texas,” Steve says loudly for the other men to hear. Then he turns his attention totally to Christian.

“Chris,” he tries again, getting his hands underneath Christian’s upper body to lift him from the bench.

But Christian feels trapped, and he sees only hands coming to hurt him more. Smacking Steve hands away, he kneels up instantly and pushes Steve away.

Steve’s too off-guard and Christian’s too strong and Steve ends up on his ass. As soon as he lands though, he can see the short-haired man grab Christian, one arm around his chest and one muscled forearm pressing against Christian’s windpipe.

“Hey!” the short-haired man shouts as he subdues Christian.

Christian writhes desperately now, desperate to get away, desperate to protect himself.

Steve scrambles to his feet, shouting, “Get off him! Let go!”

Huffing, the man releases Christian as Steve is moving towards them, Christian stumbling right into Steve’s arms.

“Shhh,” Steve attempts to soothe, wrapping Christian up in his arms, the hug enough for Christian to snap out of it, immediately burying his face in Steve’s neck.

By this time, a manager has come over to check the situation, then ushering Steve and his sub to an aftercare room, a sparse tidy little room with a large couch and bottled water.

Steve maneuvers them to lie down on the couch, positioning Christian on the outer edge in case. Because Steve’s not letting go, not yet, maybe not ever. That was too close to Steve’s worst nightmare, that Christian in his vulnerability could actually be taken advantage of. But there’s nothing that Steve can think of to say to make it better and Christian is hiding his face.

Eventually though, Christian starts to talk. The words are soft but spoken right next to Steve’s ear. “I don’t…I don’t want anybody else. I only…you, I want to be with you.”

Steve squeezes Christian tight, understanding that Christian wasn’t ready yet for this fantasy to become reality. But before he can get any comforting words out of his mouth, Christian speaks again. “Only you, outside the guest bedroom too.”

Christian can feel the sudden stiffness of Steve’s body and knows in that one moment that he’s just made the worst mistake of his life. Steve pushes him away a little so he can see Christian’s face and Christian is forced to man up, look into Steve’s blue eyes.

“Really?” Steve asks, little boy hopeful enthusiasm in his voice and on his face. “I’ve thought that since the first time we went in there.”

Steve pulls Christian back in, sheltering him again. “I don’t want to fuck this up,” Christian whispers.

“I’m scared too,” Steve whispers back. Everything’s not perfect, but the idea of not trying, of just letting this go, letting Christian go has Steve’s heart clenching in phantom pain. Somehow they’ve got to make this work.


End file.
